In the past 60 hours, I have dropped 1 bag of sand. In that time:
- I have never played more than $1/$2 NL
- I haven’t suffered from any really “bad beats” (as defined in an earlier post) with a couple exceptions
- I didn’t drink and play (actually, I had one glass of whisky while online)
- I played with many people that were somewhat similar (give or take) in skill and plenty that sucked…certainly no cardrooms, certainly no pros
Maybe I am wrong here, but a swing of 500x the BB without any massive bad beats (there were plenty of small ones, but no biggies really) is more than volatility. WTF?
I am at a complete loss. The one thing I know is I need a change; what that change is exactly - I don’t know yet. Maybe focus on tournaments; maybe go up in stakes, maybe down. Sh_t, I don’t know. But at this rate, I will lose 2 bags a week, or 100 a year.
The most f’d up thing about it is that I left, came home hung out for a couple hours before I even sat down and wrote this…I never got pissed off. As I proofread this post I realize that I sound much more bothered than I really am. Actually I am more bothered by the fact that I am NOT BOTHERED than any thing else! I think I have become too numb, too convinced that short term results are irrelevant. I think I have become too bored at the table.
I used to show up and focus on every single thing that happened. I could write volumes after one night. It took me all night tonight after I left to even reconstruct the last hand of tonight. I guess that is the problem – lack of attention. I guess that is the solution – pay more attention. I have been perfectly sober but playing like a drunk (unaware, drifting). Maybe that is the solution.
I don’t know. But if I lose $34 more dollars before 12/31, I will have my first losing year at poker. Ever. Not happy.